Wives' club

Wilsons_2013 Posted by Roger Cooke on Mon, 16 Nov 2015 | 3 comments | Bookmark: digg this Post this to del.icio.us Post this to Facebook

I have been burdened recently by the plight of some of the married women who live in Kiwoko. It has made me even more grateful for a husband who loves me unconditionally, and is Christ to me in his demonstration of love. (Rory may blush reading this but it is true!).

Many of the wives here do not experience this kind of a marriage. The wife is responsible for the home and garden, the children and (for many around the hospital), a full time job! The husbands can be working so far away that commuting is impossible, so instead they live close to where they work. No real togetherness as a couple is established.

Temptations can and do come and with no accountability people stray or fall into unhealthy addictions. Communication is stilted or non- existent. The husband comes and goes without warning, a visitor to both his wife and sadly his children. Sometimes the only evidence that a husband has visited is yet another pregnancy!

Everyone wants a better lifestyle – electricity in the home, food on the table regularly, nice clothes, a phone, a computer, education of children in good schools etc. Nothing wrong with any of that, I hear you say. However the desire for these things without forethought or proper planning equals debt and increasing financial paralysis for the family.

For example, wives can be worn down by their husbands demands for money (if the men haven’t a job apart from digging in the garden) so that they can start some ‘business’ or ‘income generating project’. The ladies take out a loan, to appease the men. Sadly the money can be frittered away, a deal doesn’t work out or it was doomed to fail before it even started, due to poor planning. Who is left to pay the loan? – yes, the wives! In addition to school fees and household needs.

Only this morning in prayers we listened to a speaker on marriage, talking about couple’s expectation of roles within marriage. The speaker was Ugandan and he highlighted the reality that many men in Uganda enter marriage believing, that he as the head of the household will have all his needs met by his wife a.k.a. his slave! Not my words but a Ugandan pastors words. The fact is his observation and is true most of the time.

The reality is that these men are not inherently or deliberately malicious in their approach to marriage. They too are victims, they have never had a good role model to follow or been educated on how marriage can and should be. And it should be said that sometimes the wifely attitudes would drive any saint away!!:)

It was great this morning for our students – young, single men and women to hear a positive message on how God ordained equality in marriage and that men and women had different roles to play within that context.

Some ladies reading this may be able to identify with the wives that I have talked about, as they experience the same challenges. Who do you go to? Who do you talk to? It is hard to open up about issues so close to home isn’t it? Especially in so called ‘Christian’ marriages.

In light of my observations, I was at a loss to know how I could really help. After much ruminating I came to the only logical conclusion – I can’t change these ladies circumstances, however I do believe that God can in response to our prayers.
Before being called to be a ‘wife’ we are called as an individual to ‘glorify God and enjoy Him forever’. (Sorry I am still a Presbyterian at heart!). Surely this should still be No 1 on our agenda no matter what other profitable roles we take on in life?

On the 21st November we are going to start a Wives Club, not a duplication or in competition with our local Mothers Union, but a gathering that will focus specifically on our personal relationship with the Lord, closely followed by emotional and spiritual support for each other in whatever season of marriage we find ourselves in. I am still not sure what this will look like but women seem keen to come and find out what will be on offer.

The intention is not to meet and disrespect our husbands by gossiping or exposing their every weakness, but instead to seek God for ourselves and thus to be transformed, to pray for our husbands and to offer emotional and spiritual support for one another.
Please pray that God will show us how to best achieve these aims. Pray that God will transform us, and indeed that as a result marriages will be transformed, then who knows maybe our community!


Geesje said Tue, 17 Nov 2015 08:09AM
God Bless Denise!
bruce dunk said Mon, 23 Nov 2015 04:48AM
Sounds like a tough challenge Denise. Just the sort of thing God would want you to do.
Gillian Maganda said Mon, 30 Nov 2015 05:33PM
You've a heart like a lion Denise! Just what women in most countries need and desire - someone with open hands and a heart for God who can get alongside them and model Jesus - we will pray!

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